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Reflecting on Stan’s effect on our family


It has been raining all day today, something I used to enjoy especially on weekends as I found the sound of rain calming. It made for a relaxing weekend to listen to the rain, relax and veg.

Now I cringe and enter a state of anything but relaxation. Rain nowreminds me of a devastating event in our lives. The loss of my son’s birthmother.

Hurricane Stan left many hundreds of people dead in Guatemala in 2005. The actual number will never be known because many of these people were indigenous and had no official documentation of their birth. Without
papers to make a claim the people would not be counted among the deceased.Suffice it to say that the “official” numbers are not a true reflection of this devastation.


Stan caused a wave of mudslides that claimed the lives of the poorest of the poor. One of the lives it claimed was that of Kiwi’s birth mother. I had always planned to be in touch with her on some level and for Kiwi to know her. We planned to visit her over the years and hopefully meet his birth sibling who is fostered by an extended family member in Guatemala. Now she is deceased and we don’t know if the extended family ever knew she was pregnant. Not only did we lose her but we lost any information that would lead us to Kiwi’s other birth family members. We lost everything except a copied black and white photo that we received in Kiwi’s DNA results and a few blurbs about his mother in his court report. We don’t even know if his birth sibling is a boy or girl.

I’m sure he will want to know about his birth family one day and I already hurt for him at the lack of information I will be able to provide. He will have her picture, the old fuzzy photocopied image where he can’t see her face clearly. He will have Guatemala and information about his heritage as a spanish/mayan in general but nothing specific about him. We don’t know who the birth father is, not even a name. The only hope we have is that his birthmother did tell someone she was pregnant, (many Guatemalan women who relinquish do not tell anyone. Not a soul.) and that someone in the family will find a way to contact the woman who facilitated Kiwi’s adoption who will put them in touch with us. The chances of that happening, we know, are unlikely.

So now the rain has new meaning for me. It makes me reflect on that event of October 2005. Relaxation on a rainy day is a thing of the past. Now it brings sadness and a few more tears. Bless your heart Kiwi.

transracial international adoptive mom
bio mom

kiwiamo’s blog entries


One Comment

  1. Posted January 23, 2007 at 1:01 pm | Permalink

    Oh wow. How heartbreaking, kiwiamo. One thought-is there anyway to have the photo cleared up so he can get a better idea of what she looked like?

    My thoughts are with you all.

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