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The eff word

What did I tell you? Boys will be boys!

When I picked Kiwi up from school today the teacher asked to have a word with me. I could tell by her, ehmm, tone that it was not good. Poor thing, she looked whooped so I did enter into this “word” with pity effwordfor her. But what the heck could my sweet snooky ookums have done to contribute to the dark circles under her eyes and disheveled hair? Hmmm. Not my son. Nuh uh. Not my son.

Miss Sally puts an arm on my shoulder and begins our word with “it has been one of those days“. Rut Roh. But I’m sure my son had nothing to do with it. Right?

She explains that the boys in class today were obsessed with the eff word. Fart. She had been redirecting them all day to choose appropriate language and even tried to instrust that farting is not funny. You know what a class of three year old boys do when their teacher tells them that farting is not funny? They say “Miss Sally farted!” and die laughing right there on the classroom floor. They roll and hold their tummies while laughing hysterically. Everytime their teacher tells them to stop they say “Miss Sally farted again!” and proceed to laugh even harder.

Guess what. Kiwi was right in the middle of it. My son! I don’t know why it was so surprising to learn of this. I mean he does have his own language around the house and uses fart, poop and pee as much as possible in dialogue.

If you were a fly on the wall in our house you may overhear the following and I will translate for those who are not adept with the language.

I fart you sooooo much. Translation: I love you so much.

I’m farty. Can I have a pootsie pop? Translation: I’m hungry. Can I have a popsicle?

Daddy will you fart with me? Translation: Daddy will you play with me?

I don’t want to take a fart and get fart! Translation: I don’t want to take a bath and get clean!

Mojo farted! Translation: Mojo farted. (our dog)

Can I watch Farty Neutron? Translation: Can I watch Jimmy Neutron?

Can I watch Fart Bob Fart Pants? Translation: Can I watch Spongebob Square Pants?

It does NOT help matters that Dad points out the obvious when Kiwi passes gas which he seems to do in numbers by the way sometimes several in a row. Dad will say “Ah ha ha you faaaaarted!” They will proceed to rejoice in laughter together. Sometimes high fives ensue if numbers are large like, oh say, 4 or 5 quick ones in a row. A father/son thing.

This encouragement, I do believe, goes back to the days when Kiwi was learning to talk. Like all good mothers I, Rosanne Rosanna Danna, taught my son to simply say “Pardon” after such an event. He was so mannerly and would even help others by saying “Pardon” for them. Nana loved it when she skooched in her seat at the movies and got a loud “Pardon” out of Kiwi. Ok. She didn’t love it. In fact she was embarassed and had to bring it to my attention that I was teaching him to be TOO mannerly. Sorry ’bout that one Nana. I don’t take criticism well from my oh-so-perfect-mother-in-law. It made me want to yell “Nana farted!” and hang up. But I restrained myself.

When toddlers begin to speak they are not enunciating their words well and they sometimes sound like, well, like other words. For instance, when Kiwi first learned the word “pardon” it came out “pardy”. This may be where it all began. One evening after dinner, when Kiwi was approximately 20 months old, he did the deed followed by a very mannerly “pardon”, er “pardy”. Dad roared. I mean roared. The man had tears in his eyes when he finally got control of himself. All the while I am waving to him and mouthing “Don’t encourage him with laughter!!!”

It was too late. Kiwi, who aspires to be a world class comedian, learned that he would always make dad laugh by you-know-what followed by a loud “pardy!”

So this ill behavior, I’m afraid, started right here in my own home and was encouraged by none other than Dad.

Poor Miss Sally. She wants me to talk with Kiwi and help him understand why this is NOT a good thing but to him it IS a good thing. Gawsh, he makes his Daddy laugh and then there are the boys at school. Imagine what he could do with a stage and room full of strangers holding tickets to his one man show. The eff word has made him one of the most popular kiddos amongst his peers and I just don’t think he is willing to drop it for one Miss Sally, although he does really adore his teacher.

The eff word is here to stay ’cause boys will be boys ya know.

Thank you for farting my post. Er, I mean reading my post.

transracial international adoptive mom
bio mom

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  1. bugaboo22
    Posted January 23, 2007 at 10:33 pm | Permalink

    Oh how I laughed reading this, all the while relating! I do, after all have 3 little boys will be boys! Bugaboo

  2. Posted January 23, 2007 at 10:42 pm | Permalink

    Oh gawsh you DO know what I’m talking about here! ROFL

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