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More on can you hear me

I spent the first 20 weeks of my pregnancy on pins and needles waiting for my ultrasound to tell me if I was having a girl.  When the day finally came, I felt like my entire emotional self was lying on that table for the entire world to see.  My sonogram tech was an ass, and I knew this from the previous sonograms I had had with him.  He clearly did not think a woman should find out the sex of her baby, even though it has absolutely nothing to do with his life.  I waited until he was done doing all of his measurements and it was clear that my child was healthy before asking to know the sex of the baby.  He said his standard, “I’ll try to see if I can tell” line and headed down south.  I felt my body completely freeze except my  hands, which were trembling uncontrolably.  My heart was pounding so hard I was scared he would see my chest thumping.  “It looks like a boy, ” he says, “but I can only tell you that it is about a 75% chance because it could just be a really swollen girl.”  I let out a sound that was clearly a sound of disapointment and to this day I still can’t forgive myself for that.  At that moment it felt like my whole world had crumbled.  This was going to be the last baby that my husband and I were going to have.  In an instant my dreams of raising a daughter had died, and it felt like a part of me had to.  And this is where my internal struggle began.   *Bugaboo*    

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2 Comments

  1. Posted January 23, 2007 at 11:04 pm | Permalink

    Thanks for sharing bugaboo. I am following your story and I appreciate you putting your heart out there so candidly.

  2. annabanana103
    Posted January 27, 2007 at 9:00 am | Permalink

    Wow Bugaboo, how emotional. I cant wait to hear the rest!(although I know how it turns out!)


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