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In the beginning there was just one, part 2 and 3

Some of my friends struggled with the loss of the dream of adopting when they became pregnant. Not ME!!! I just wanted more children, preferably a whole pile. The method really did not matter. Because of my daughter’s condition I was automatically high risk. Got my first level 2 ultrasound at 7 weeks. Of course I went by myself thinking it was more of a “meet and greet” type of appointment. I was pregnant all right: times 2! Twins! I was beyond shocked with excitement. Finally, I was getting what I deserved (or so I thought). I won’t bore you with all the reasons this was important but it should have statistically actually increased the chances of having 2 healthy babies over the chance of that happening in 2 separate pregnancies (at least by my crazy math). Sadly, it was not meant to be. We found out about a month later that both babies were effected with my daughters condition and they died shortly thereafter. I know its hard to believe that I had no mental issues but I did not take it that hard. I just wanted a child. The desire for a healthy child helped balance out my grief at losing the pregnancy. I still don’t talk about it though.

After this loss we explored our options yet again. There was no reason I could not conceive, it was the combination of mine and my DH’s genes that was the problem. We started the homestudy process once again and this time sent in all the checks and got to work. After we had turned in all the paper work and were waiting for them to do the interviews (a process that takes months in my state) we considered artificial insemination. I was all for it. Biology just did not matter to me. DH was completely against it for reasons that he could not put into words but he was adamant. We were actually ready to do embryo adoption when the phone calls about adoptive situations started coming in long before we were “homestudy ready.” We never really decided to stick with adoption. It chose us. And I am mighty grateful!

So adoption it would be! By this time, I was baby obsessed and mighty familiar with adoption forums. I saw things happening in Guatemala that were scrary to me. Adoptions of some of my cyber friends were going way slower than the 4 months it had been taking previously. Plus, I just could not wrap my arms around where all these babies were coming from. I didn’t like the answers I was getting when I pushed the envelope on that topic. But I loved looking at those baby pictures on the Guat Boards! Then I started loking at pics on the transracial boards. And I realized a lo of black and biracial kids are not as dark as kids from Guatemala. I slowly realized that I did not care about race. At all. Truthfully, I cared a little. I wanted to adopt a child of color. I will blog more on that later!

Thus, the end of part 2 and 3 was the loss of a pregnancy. It would be my last loss. And in all honesty, I was tired of the struggle with my body and all the stress. I was glad to move onto adoption. Now onto part 4!

Queen J

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