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Can you hear me Part 3

baby footOh the guilt! Here I was pregnant with a perfectly healthy baby and all I could do was be sad because it was a boy. What choice did I have but to stuff my feelings deep inside myself, where nobody would know how I was feeling. I was so scared that people would think I was awful for how I felt.

During that time, I prayed a lot. I really wanted to come to peace with the plan that God had for my family. I did not understand how He could trust me witht he awesome responsibility of raising 3 boys, when all I ever really wanted was to be the mom of a girl. But, heck, he is God so who was I to question is decision making abilities? After a few months I started to feel my heavy heart lift and I started getting really excited for my sadness windowbaby to be born. Slowly, I started to decorate the nursery in a very boy theme and I accepted my fate. And by the time my son was born, I was on top of the world. It felt like a burden had been lifted and I could finally stop hoping for a girl and just move on with my life with my three sons. I realized that I could not change God’s plan for my life and that He knew what was best for me anyway. So, I brought my baby boy home from the hospital and began my new role in life as mom to three. And then 2 days after my son was born it happened. God spoke to me in the most clear voice I had ever heard from Him… *Bugaboo*


One Comment

  1. Posted February 3, 2007 at 10:01 pm | Permalink

    You are not awful for allowing yourself to feel what came natural. It is so interesting to hear you be so honest. I’m not sure most people have the courage to share as openly as you are doing in your series. Thank you.


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