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Adoption Home Study Gone Wild!

teen daughterOur daughter, who was 15 at the time of our home study may have been the most anxious famly member about bringing a baby into our home. She was on cloud nine about it, and decided to put in applications in our area for a job so she could buy her little brother “cool” clothes, as she thinks all the baby clothes we bought were “gay” (meaning uncool these days, not homosexual).

Well, I offered to host our HS social worker early if she found herself having to kill time between our interview and the last. As it happened, she came an hour early and I was totally expecting it. However, I never shared this possibility with my teen daughter, a master procrastinator, and of course she was waiting until the last minute to get ready. So, when the SW got here, my daughter was still in her Spongebob Squarepants boxers, night shirt and had not finished cleaning her bathroom which, as part of the home study, would be inspected.

back turnedWe got started on my interview right away, which didn’t take long and since my husband wasn’t here yet the SW requested to see my daughter next. I called upstairs to her “Baby, The SW would like to see you”, to which my daughter replies “No, not yet”.

What the,…… is she kidding?

I was flabbergasted, embarassed and hoped the SW had not heard this. I went upstairs to pursue this not knowing what the heck she was thinking!!! I said “You can’t refuse to go down there! You knew she was coming and you knew a private interview would be required.”

She then reiterated that she wasn’t ready and told me that I could NOT make her go down there!! She said she would go down when she got finished cleaning her bathroom and taking a shower. Oh my gawsh, I was totally freaking out!!! Of all days to give me THAT attitude. Grrr.
Well, after much deliberation I ended up convincing her to go down and figured she would be angry and unpleasant. Since it was a private interview I have no idea how she interacted or what she said, so who knows how it went.

make-upLater I sat down with her to talk about it. She began to cry and explained that she was afraid that our family would not be approved if she wasn’t ready (meaning showered, dressed up with make-up, hair flawless and all the teen hoopla) and if her bathroom wasn’t clean (I had recently refered to it as a “total condemnation”, not realizing she took it to mean that it would condemn the adoption if not cleaned). I went from being totally frustrated and up in arms over her behaviour to having my heart melted by her loving desire for a baby brother and her sweet innocence.

spongebobI had to explain that we would still be approved even if her bathroom wasn’t clean and EVEN if she was still in her spongebobs.

You just never know what they are thinking, even when they’re practically grown!! She’s fine now, by the way,…..and her bathroom is clean,… and she has a baby brother in spite of this experience.

I often read on adoption discussion forums about families fearing they will not be approved in a home study for various, common, reasons such as divorce, silly behavior on behalf of children during HS, necessary medications for such necessities as diabetes or depression, and other issues that are common with american families. Unless you have a felony background, history or abuse and/or abandonment, terminal illness then I wouldn’t sweat it. Most ‘normal’ families are approved and keep in mind that ‘normal’ in American encapsulates alot of weird stuff!

Oh the stories I have heard about what happened to so-and-so on the day of their in-home home study. LOL

*~*kiwiamo
transracial international adoptive mom
bio mom

kiwiamo’s blog entries

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